Ode to my thighs...

Today two dear friends came to town to do a hike/walk with me.  We had planned to do a 5K in Louisville but when we found out that usually thousands, actually THOUSANDS of people participate in this particular 5K, we decided to do our own private 5K.

So we met here at my house. The weather forecast was for a cloudy morning, then sunshine, with temps climbing to 50.  Well.......not exactly. It was a cold, windy, gray 36 all dang day.  But we persevered.

We hiked a paved trail, thru the edge of town, up a pretty steep  hill, around a former state hospital grounds, then back down.  All in all, I think 4 miles.

And good grief!  Going up that hill, my big ole thighs just powered along.  Absolutely NO problem.  Now, while I curse them (and my big butt) frequently, and could just die when I see myself in a photo, those big ole thighs have some serious muscle in them.  Covered with some serious fat, but still, serious muscle. I'm grateful (well, I'm trying to be grateful) for them, and vow to try to not be so mean/mad/hateful toward them.....like fantasizing about taking a really sharp big knife and slicing some of them off, or maybe a medical grade chain saw......uh oh, I may have said too much. 

Anyway, I'm going to try.  As my gynecologist (about a size 3) said at my appointment Friday, "There are all kinds of fitness; you're very fit."  The unspoken part of that was, ".....but fat."  Like it's a news flash.

So.......1440 miles to Moab.

AHA! An answer

I've GOT it!!  Just did 2 miles on the treadmill, and loved it.  I've found the answer.

Please note: if you are a squeamish person, or have just had lunch, or are skinny, do NOT read on........

I walked on the treadmill for 2 miles at a #2 incline.....TOPLESS!  Yes!  Well, I had my sports bra on so my boobs wouldn't bounce. No one was home (finally, alone in the house).  Turned up the iPod, took off my shirt, and flung it.

Had the blinds up halfway, so I don't think anyone could see me from the road.  I'd better not see any videos of a fat girl on a treadmill without a shirt.  It was fun, and freeing. I've seen commercials of The Biggest Losers and those brave people who weigh way more than I do (at least this month, so far, unless I visit the Peep aisle more than I should....fingers crossed) always have their shirts off.  On National Television!  By the way, I'm sticking with my opinion that some of them actually drop dead on those treadmills and are dragged off out of camera view.

Anyway, I feel so much better.  However, I can't take my pants off and walk/jog....my thighs would rub together and maybe start a fire.

How's it going, Peeps?

I just do NOT know why I canNOT get back into exercising. I enjoy it (well, for the most part).  Why can I not get back on that treadmill?  Every single darn day this week I've gotten out of bed with every intention of getting back to it. Sure, the weather's been cold, &/or rainy, and mostly dark grey, cloudy skies, but for crying out loud. I need to get off my fat ass and get going.

So far I've lost 4 lbs since .....hmmm, might as well say January 1st, altho I don't think I started then.  Geez. Be careful driving past my house; you might slip on all my melted fat on the road.

And now, I've discovered something both wonderful and heinous......chocolate dipped Peeps.  I'm not even going to wax eloquent about them. Suffice it to say, they're delicious.  For those of us for whom sugar is not only a food group, it's the mother lode of all food groups, Peeps are manna from heaven.  Thank the Lord they only come 3 to a package.

And no, I did not eat all 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I gave several to my son.  Speaking of him: today is his birthday. I bought the cutest TINY cake for the 3 of us here at home.   Progress?  *shrug*

My apologies to those of you who thought this would be an uplifting, success story of a blog, where the fat just melts off and I become addicted to running marathons and wear a size 2 and am named  athlete of the year by Sports Illustrated, where I say things like, "It's not a diet; diets don't work. I've come to realize it's a lifestyle change."  Where I SEE THE LIGHT.

Well, I do see the light, but I'm afraid it's still the refrigerator light. 

But I'll keep trying.  Tomorrow: the treadmill.

OH NO!!!!!!!!

A neighbor just delivered my Girl Scout cookies....oh no, please no.  I think she was sent by the devil. She doesn't even HAVE any daughters.   I've had two good days. Yes, two. I think my jeans feel a bit more loose.  Hey, I have a wonderful imagination.

Today is a gorgeous day, sunny but windy.  Still, it gives one hope for spring. I saw some daffodils' green tips peaking up thru the mulch.

I haven't been walking on the treadmill.....too noisy. Personally, I feel that's quite the creative excuse....er, reason.

I haven't been hiking......too scary. We have had a possible intruder in the abandoned house about 1/4 mile behind our house. I hike or ride past that house, ALONE, when I hike or ride. So until I get a big ole gun, I'm a bit chicken.  At least until the scaredy-pants part of me wears off.  *sigh* Another excuse.

However, I did grab one of our dear, sweet, calm horses and ride him bareback around outside for about 15 minutes. Haven't been on since early November; he was a dear. (not a deer).

Here's the question: can I count the miles I ride toward Moab?

Enough of my silliness today.   Now where did I put those GS cookies?  NO NO NO NO

In case you're wondering.....samoas are the only cookie worth buying.

Oops, mileage correction & confession

Math was my worst subject. I have "math anxiety," as they call it now.  Putting a prettier label on it instead of calling it what it is: math incompetence.  I am a right brain.

Anyway, the correct mileage NOW to Moab is 1446. Subtracting the total AZ mileage of 40 miles, which is including the walking mileage I did while my dear husband was at his meeting.

Speaking of that, I have a confession......I actually  lost the rental car in the HUGE shopping mall parking lot on our last day in Tempe.  This is embarrassing: I spent  over an hour walking around, growing increasingly frantic (only in my mind; I am sure I looked as cool as one can look while walking up and down rows of cars for over an hour, sometimes with people in cars following me, waiting to take my parking spot).  I actually stopped and told two drivers creeping along behind me that they'd be welcome to my spot, if only I could find the darn car, and if they see a little green Cobalt with Tennessee plates, come back and tell me.

So, 1446 miles to Moab. Or at least I THINK it's 1446. I'm not good at math.

Warning: harsh words & whining

Back home.....blah.  But at least the weather has improved since we left. Here is the absolutely, freaking bad news: I did all that hiking, sweating, huffing and puffing, for 12 days (well, at least most of them), and actually GAINED 3 lbs!  38 miles, counting the walking miles before we left AZ.  The 3 lbs I had lost in the previous 2 weeks of walking, jogging, huffing and puffing.  It FOUND me and wants me to give it a good and permanent home. Might even bring some friends.

Well, not this fat girl.  Once again, I'm staring at spring coming like a freight train and I've wasted January and February......not seriously losing any weight.  Do I want to see myself on one of those horses, rolls of fat, fat thighs, sweating like every fat girl does in summer heat?

I am monumentally pissed. Excuse my language, but this is riduculous. I began (again), as always, on Monday morning....start fresh, get serious, this time......yada, yada, yada.  And when I got to work, fresh off my oatmeal breakfast, there was a large bag of Valentine goodies with my name on it. One of our very sweet nurses always makes treat bags  for each of us for holidays.  Did I mention it's one of our skinny nurses?  I'm the only fat one.

And speaking of "the only fat one," that's the story of my life.  Well, except for the few years I was skinny around 2000, and the other scattered few years of normal weight, I'm always surrounded by skinny people.  If I am doomed to be fat for all time, can't some of them gain a few pounds???!!!!

Ok, that's it for today. I can sit here and write volumes of complaints and excuses, or I can get up and get to work on walking/jogging, starving, so that when I get on my horse, he doesn't think, "Hey! One at a time here!"

And yes, of course I ate the Valentine goodies.  Oatmeal for breakfast, oatmeal at McDonald's for lunch (we stop there after seeing patients at our satellite office, on the way back to see more patients at the regular office), then little (but many) Valentine goodies on the way home from work.  Sheesh. I'm an idiot.  A fat idiot.

But hell, I'm going to work on it.  Moab, here I come.

We had our last hike in the Sedona area.  My dear husband has finally obtained an accurate map and after many hours pouring over it (he loves maps) has come to the conclusion that we've done 36.5 miles in the 7 days of hiking. Not bad.  Of course, I've eaten 45 miles worth of calories, probably, so no good news on the big D.    ....crap.....

We did see something on the hike that sums up Sedona, if you ask me.  If I haven't mentioned it, Sedona has many areas that are called a vortex, where there are good vibes, or a feeling of well-being, or tingling sensation, etc occurs.  They are marked on some of the hiking maps.  Anyway, we were hiking and came upon a woman sitting on a big red rock slab, in the sun, eyes closed, just meditating (I guess...or having a stroke or something).  She was about 45 plus years old,  really tall, with waist lenth gray dreadlocks (!), and was swaddled in a beautiful handknit sumptious multicolored wool-looking huge shawl.  I assumed she was experiencing one of the supernatural "vortex" experiences, or something.  Calm, quiet, serene, just sitting there.  That's the first part of the quintessential Sedona experience.
The second part was that a few minutes past her, we met a woman hiking, well, power hiking......about 40 plus, size 2, perfectly turned out in her technical hiking clothing and gear, going about a mile a minute, big smile and enthusiastic "Hi!"   Soccer mom on a caffeine-fueled power fitness hike.  Gotta get in those miles!!

Those two women just summed up Sedona perfectly. That's what you see mostly in Sedona, either the power hiker/soccer mom who's probably married to an investment banker to afford the real estate there, or the spiritual , serene earth woman, connecting with  something.

At least that's my take on it.
 I have to add this: I mentioned to my husband that there are no fat people here, that they must arrest them or run them out of town, and he said, "I'll bet the sheriff catches them at the Burger King and rounds them up."  Thought that was funny. The Burger King and Taco Bell and McD's are there, but they are not the usual look....adobe, very subdued, you have to be looking pretty hard to find them.

Then we got to the hotel in Tempe where my husband has an educational meeting.....darn golf resort.  Too many stuck-up people in golf shirts.  They charge for everything. At our other hotels and cabin they not only gave us a hot breakfast and free internet, they did it at a reasonable price and had a gas fireplace in the room to boot.

I drove to Wickenburg, AZ today for the annual Gold Rush rodeo & festival.  The rodeo was small today, called the "slack," or overflow from the actual rodeo on Saturday and Sunday.  This rodeo is a senior circuit rodeo, with contestants  in age groups of 40s, 50s, or 60s.  I loved it. The next 2 days will add roughstock events. I'd love to see how many 60 plus year olds ride in them! Hope they have enough ambulances on standby.

Thunder thighs

I believe that Sedona is populated ONLY with skinny people. No fat people may apply for residency. Seriously, I am an alien here. If there was a famine here, I would be the only person to survive. I have reserves.

Anyway, we hiked up to and across Brin's Mesa today.  With a detour.  Also called "getting lost."  It was COLD, and very windy.  Nice scenery, yada yada yada.  After looking at these gorgeous rock formations and beautiful trails every day for 4 days, it becomes "normal," instead of a knock-your-socks-off miracle. I can't decide if that's good or bad. It's still terrific, and I still appreciate it. I just don't run around with my  mouth wide open like I did at first.  Thank goodness.

We did get a little lost, and had to retrace our steps. Might I add that the steps we had to retrace were UPHILL?  Of course.  I was a bit annoyed, so I powered up that long section of moderate hill terrain.  Kinda proud of myself, actually.  These thighs....thunder thighs, but in a good way.  Well, that may be stretching it. (which is what they do to my hiking pants....heh, heh, heh).

I'd better quit patting myself on the back before I sprain my neck.

We leave here tomorrow, but plan on one last hike on our way out of town.  Calculated our miles for the entire trip, and we've done 31 miles.  Hey! Not bad!

1455 miles to Moab.

Piece of cake

Drat, it was spitting snow when we got going to hike.  But it looked like the sky was clearing in the west, so we went on.  Our plan was to hike Doe Mesa, a 4618 ft flattop with an impressive switchback trail leading up the 410 ft.  Bah, piece of cake! A drugged monkey could do it!  I am a hiking machine…..no problem.

BIG problem.  The switchback trails are AWFUL.  They are moderately steep, yes, but that’s not the catch. The catch is that there is a lot of erosion on said switchbacks, and it is frigging STEEP, with nothing, can I repeat that, nothing to catch you until you land back down at the bottom somewhere near your car in the parking lot, which, about 10 minutes into the climb, looks like a tiny green ant.

I had my two walking sticks, which helped, and I did make it up to the top of the mesa. The view was incredible.  We walked all around the top, and had lunch and a drink sitting near the edge (not too near the edge, there was a lot of wind up there), but all the while I was enjoying the view, I was trying to squash down my creeping panic that I’d have to go DOWN those switchbacks.

As everyone sane knows, it’s much harder going down the steep and incredibly scary mountain than it is going up.  You can’t just look toward the uphill side and keep on walking; you have to actually pay close attention to your feet and your imminent death.

I had an accident 10 years ago that required a plate and screws in my fibula/ankle, so that foot doesn’t work as well as the other. Sometimes it doesn’t lift my toes as it should, and sometimes it has trouble sensing the uneven ground. Uneven ground?? Are you kidding me? On a horrible trail on the side of the mountain?

To cut to the aftermath of the chase, I made it down, slowly and painstakingly.  I’m such a wimp.  But I did it.

The funny thing, if there is a funny thing, is that I had said that the Peralta Trail was the scariest trail I have ever been on (and I’ve done the Grand Canyon trails to the bottom twice, on mules), but now, just 3 days later, I have to revise that opinion……..yikes, what’s next?

After I lived thru the Doe Mesa trail, had a drink and a change of underwear, we did a 3 mile Boynton Canyon hike.  Piece of cake. Which, by the way, I had for dessert after dinner.  Felt I deserved it.  So there.

Cactus...ouch

Bathtub laundry instructions: put socks into the shower with you. Use the hotel’s shampoo to wash socks. Rinse. Hang from shower rod. These wool hiking socks will dry overnight.  Ta da!!  Use the same technique to wash hiking pants and wicking underwear. Daily wear will build up some not-so-nice odors that are really noticeable in a closed car.

Our first hike in Sedona was an easy 5 miles around 2 gorgeous red rock formations, Bell Rock and Courthouse Butte.  We also took a small side trail to climb to the top of what looks like, well, you can take your pick: a large alien spaceship, a huge muffin, or a giant baked cheesecake.  I’m voting for the alien spaceship.

It was a pleasant day, with one slight hiccup. At our lunch stop, I had to use the facilities, but of course the “facility” is a tree or bush or somewhere off the trail that you hope hides you from hikers while you squat.  In a hurry, I might add. Time is of the essence for elimination at a popular tourist and local hiking hot spot.

I though I’d given myself plenty of clearance from the prickly pear cactus beside the tree, but my butt must be even BIGGER than I thought!  Either that or I’ve developed some significant muscle under that fat, from all this hiking.  So not enough clearance, and I got a cactus spine in my, ahem, cheek. Now, my, ahem, cheek, is pretty vast, and it must take some time for the sensation of the cactus spine to make it thru my central nervous system to my brain, because  I did NOT realize I had picked up said cactus spine until several paces down the trail. 

Hmmmm, was that a prickly sensation in my “cheek?”  Nah, keep on walking. Don’t be silly.  Ouch, there it was again.  I stopped and (I’m such a delicate lady) surreptitiously crept my hand down my hiking pants, under my underwear (hey, desperate times call for desperate measures), and sure enough, felt the little bugger and pulled it out.  I asked my husband to check for blood leaking out of my pants leg as he walked behind me, but he repeatedly told me he didn’t see any.  Whew. The dangers of the hike!

After those 5 miles, we went to Crescent Moon Park and did a 2.5 mile hike to Cathedral Rock. We had to hop from rock to rock to cross a fairly fast-flowing creek, which was fun. Luckily my hiking shoes are waterproof, but my pants legs got wet.

We’re staying in a cute little one room cabin that has no TV, but has a fireplace.  After all that hiking (and the near-death experience of the cactus spine), it was an early-to-bed night.

Idiot kids

We drove to Sedona from Mesa, AZ without incident.  Well, wait a sec. There was one incident. At a McDonald’s in an upscale suburb outside northern Phoenix, my husband waited in the car while I took a bathroom break and got a diet Coke.  (Fluids in, fluids out.) There were 3 boys, baggy pants, long-ish hair, in hoodies at the condiments station, giggling and filling a small soft drink cut with coke, catsup, and creamer. I figured that couldn’t be good.

As I went out the door of the Mc D’s I saw one of the boys throw the cup high into the air, where it began spilling the contents even before it splatted on the ground near our car in the lot.  Never one to mind my own business, I yelled, “Hey, what are you doing?”  Then I said, “Wait right there while I get the manager,”  which I did. I couldn’t believe that when I came back to the door, they HAD waited!  Well, 2 of the 3 had waited.  I told you they were idiots.

He scolded them, and I said a few things, then he went back in and my husband and I left the lot. My husband told me that those 2 had gotten into the car and not let the kid who actually threw the cup into the car; he had removed his hoody and run off thru the lot.  Little shit.

The red rocks are really pretty, and Sedona is lovely. It’s a big “yuppy” for my taste, tho.  A friend tells me "new age" is a better description.  You can see some weird sights, and that’s just on the streets.  Lot of meditation, crystals, energy vortex centers, etc.  You get the drift.

Tomorrow we hike!

Trail Adventures

I think when I last left here, I was in the Phoenix area, preparing to hike the rough Peralta Trail.  And I thought that was bad….HA!  Just wait.

The hike up and back the Peralta Trail was challenging, with some sections of erosion, and a lot of “rock hopping,”  or struggling to get up big rocks  on the trail, some as high as my waist.  My thighs are rather large, but man, they can lift. They had to lift my big butt up those rocks, and all the way up that steep and long trail. Coming back down was  a bit of a challenge in some areas, but I did it. Not bad for a fat girl who’s afraid of heights.

The Peralta Trail was very busy on that Saturday morning. Normally I wouldn’t like that, hiking with all those strangers, waiting in a slightly wider spot to let them pass. (When it’s me going uphill, it’s not too bad; I get a very few seconds to catch my breath. The trail etiquette is: the person going uphill has the right-of-way.  Sometimes it has to just be the person who has the room to get over.).

Anyway, it’s fun to look at the people, eavesdrop a bit, and secretly giggle at either their attire or their person.  My favorite was a little girl, probably about 4, who had on a leopard print mini-skirt, brown tights, and brown and pink matching shoes. Her mom just shook her head and told me she insisted on wearing that. They start young. I enjoyed seeing the robust woman who was starting up the trail with a 44 ounce Big Gulp , as well as the group of teenage girls who were dressed, quite inappropriately, in trendy sweaters, tight jeans, and ballerina flats, trailing a plume of perfume behind them.   There were many more “sights,” but that gives you an idea.

When I had lived thru that hike, we went to a fun DIVE of a saloon for dinner to celebrate. There’s a long hitching rail out back of the “patio,” and the last time we drove by there on a Sunday afternoon, there were 25 plus horses tied to the rail, while the cowboys and cowgirls were on the patio eating and wetting their whistles.  There’s even a wooden box outside for you to check your guns, please, before entering.  Almost everyone in AZ “packs iron.”

After the Superstitions, we’re headed north to hike in Sedona.  Red rock country, here we come!

Arizona sunshine

I'm now in Arizona, enjoying the sunshine, but it's cold!!!  This has happened the last 2 times we've been here. AZ will be having the usual sunny, warm weather....then we'll arrive, and the temps drop and the cold wind begins.  Sheesh.
Yesterday and today the temp when we've left to go hike has been 31.  Yes, that's one degree below freezing. Today the afternoon temp climbed to 60, so it's improving.
The first night we got here I heard the local weather guy explaining in detail the term, "wind chill." I thought,  most of the people here in February are from places where they are fully aware of the term, "wind chill."

Yesterday we hiked a bit over 4 miles. The first mile and three quarters was UPHILL, and had a few difficult patches. We had lunch at the top, with a gorgeous view, then hiked back down.  As you can imagine, we had on appropriate hiking gear (read: dorky clothing, and lots of it).  On our way up, we were passed by a man and a woman, middle aged, jogging up the trail. She actually had on a sweater with SEQUINS. He had on shorts. It was quite embarrassing to be huffing and puffing up the mountainside and be passed by joggers, but to be passed by joggers wearing sequins and shorts was not to be born!! To add insult to injury, neither of them had any, ANY water or emergency supplies.  My dear husband is certified in wilderness first aid, teaches classes  in it, and he insists on hiking and riding horses with the appropriate supplies.  These people had nothing.  However, they were in waaaaaay better shape than us.

If you're wondering how I can get "a bit over 4 miles" out of the "mile and three quarters uphill, then back down,"  when we got to the bottom we did another hike of a  mile. On flat ground, I must confess.

Hey, don't you think UP the mountain miles should count double?

Today a friend and I did a 6 mile hike, while my husband girded his loins and went straight up a mountainside for 2.5 miles, then back down.  What a guy.

So.......1486 more miles to Moab.  Hey, I'm setting the road on fire!

Wow

There's a big winter storm just north of us. We're getting rain this evening, but had some sleet/icing this a.m.  I went to the barn at 7:30 this a.m.  and almost did a very un-graceful nose dive when I hit the gravel road.  The grass was a much safer path, if a bit crunchy.
My husband and I are keeping our fingers crossed; we're catching a plane tomorrow early a.m., so we'll need to leave here around 4 a.m. to make certain we get to the airport in time. We're flying to AZ to hike and for business.  I'll post tales of our hiking from there.  Or from the hospital emergency room, if things don't go well.  EEEEEK! I'm counting on that one hike Sunday afternoon to have gotten me in shape for the AZ mountains.  Whadda ya think?  Good enough?

The big D is not going well, (maybe medium-well) and I have not walked or jogged since Friday. I'd be happy to come up with several excellent and inventive excuses, all valid, but.......well, not really valid.
 ***hands on hips, chin up, defiant attitude.....I just didn't.***